


Our Best Friend's Wedding

by Shomokamibutternutcrackers



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Gay solidarity, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Wedding Fluff, be gay do crime, but like it's not That cute because some illegal shit is going down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28042893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shomokamibutternutcrackers/pseuds/Shomokamibutternutcrackers
Summary: “So let me get this straight,” Santana said in between bouts of hysterical laughter. “There, in that supply closet is Blaine Anderson bound and gagged. A million gay jokes just popped into my head. I didn’t peg him for the kinky type and isn’t it a little late for you to go back in the closet?”
Relationships: Adam Crawford/Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 5
Kudos: 79





	Our Best Friend's Wedding

Santana Lopez watched as one of Adam’s many gorgeous cousins winked at Sebastian, who in turn flashed him a dazzling smile.

“No. Just no.” she muttered to herself shaking her head.

She walked over to her co-best person and dragged him to their dressing room by his suit lapel. Sebastian almost tripped on the trail of her white gown.

“Listen here, Count of Monte Gaysto, if you sleep with anyone within a five-mile radius of this wedding before Whiny Weasley and Blonde Potter are hitched I will neuter you.”

“About that, I’m glad you pulled us into a secluded corner because there’s a code red emergency.” he grimaced.

___________

“So let me get this straight,” Santana said in between bouts of hysterical laughter. “There, in that supply closet is Blaine Anderson bound and gagged. A million gay jokes just popped into my head. I didn’t peg him for the kinky type and isn’t it a little late for you to go back in the closet?”

“Santana, stop, it’s not funny.”

She stopped momentarily to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, it’s hilarious.” Sebastian said, “but can we do this later after the crisis is-” The best man stopped dead in his tracks. The maid of honour had a similar reaction. The guilt must’ve been apparent on their faces because the groom, clad in a spotless black tuxedo, gave them his signature frown. Sebastian felt himself shrink into himself under Kurt’s scrutiny so he straightened his back and made a conscious decision to make eye contact.

“Oh no, what happened? Did you two sleep together? Because if you did, don’t cause any problems, I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with the drama of your weird heteroerotic friendship,” he said, making vague hand gestures at them.

“What? N-!” Santana cried out, shoving the Frenchman out of the way. 

“Yes!” Sebastian cut her off “That, is exactly what this is. We have been having sex on the down-low. No use denying it now, Santana. The cat or rather the pussy -” The Latina winced, “is out of the bag.”

“Okay,” Kurt said slowly “Do you have the meds I told you to keep on you? Adam’s allergies are acting up.”

“Yeah, I got it in here somewhere,” he said, searching all his pockets.

“One of the Apples alums gave him a cupcake with walnuts in them, who puts walnuts in cupcakes?”

“British people.” Santana shook her head disappointedly.

“Got it.” Sebastian produced a small travel size bottle of Aller-tec. Kurt took it and gave them one last quizzical look before leaving.

____________

The best man and the maid of honour were doing rapid slappy hands at each other.

“No, stop it,” he said in between slaps, “You cannot tell him, he’ll have a Wemma style meltdown.”

“No, he won’t, he needs to brace himself, he needs to know,” she countered.

____________

“ He never knew when to shut up,” Santana groaned, burying her fingers in her hair.

Their captive kept kicking the door and making squeaky noises that were muffled by the washcloth shoved in his mouth.

“What now? We can’t leave Tan. The ceremony is in twenty minutes.” 

“Hey, Santana,” Brittany opened the door and poked her head through. “Can you get over here? Adam's sister keeps trying to convince me England is a real place.”

“It is a real place, Brit,” Santana said, not looking up.

“Why are you keeping that elf captive?” She pointed toward the closet Blaine was pounding against. “Do you need it to grant you a wish?”

“No, we need to hide it in an abandoned warehouse.”

“Lord Tubbington has an apartment he uses as a warehouse for his drugs.”

“What are we gonna do?” Sebastian said violently rubbing his face violently. “Wait,” He stopped scrubbing his face and narrowed his eyes. "Brittany what did you say?”

“About Lord Tubbington’s drug dealing ways which put me and Santana at risk?”

“No before that.”

“Oh about the warehouse.”

“Yeah, could we take a person there and just lock him up for a few hours?”

“Yeah, sure, Lord Tubbington locked Rachel Berry there for a day in junior year. He even fed her.” Brittany shrugged. Sebastian and Santana looked at each other experiencing one of those telepathic moments.

“Okay, Brit weren’t you like, kind of friends with Blaine Anderson in your repeat year?” 

“Yes, we bonded over both our lovers being unable to physically scissor us. Why?”

____________

“Blaine ?” Brittany called out. The man in question responded with a series of muffled grunts. She knelt down in front of him to remove the duct tape stuck to his mouth. He spat out the washcloth and coughed for a few seconds.

“Thank you so much, Brit. You have no idea what Sebastian put me through. I was going to serenade Kurt but he took my violin and-”

“No, I know,” she said sympathetically. “Listen I’m going to help you escape okay? We’ll slip out the backdoor. Be very quiet.” 

Blaine turned out to be very bad at following instructions because as soon the blonde got him out of the closet he pushed her away, yelling out: “KURT, I’M COMING!”

Luckily, Santana and Sebastian abandoned their respective posts behind the curtains and tackled him, covering his face with the palm of their hands

“Son of a bitch!” they exclaimed in their respective mother tongues.

“Blaine,” Sebastian whispered furiously, all three of them still on the floor, their limbs intertwined. Brittany stood by her hand over her mouth. “Remember that Warbler reunion you attended two years ago?” 

Blaine frowned. 

“Thought so,” Sebastian smirked.

“Well, Thad still has footage of everything you did that night, drunk off your ass . David and Wes talked him out of posting it because they didn’t want to sully the Warblers’ and Daltons’ reputation by ruining your career. I’ll have you know that I have no such qualms, and I’m on very good terms with Thad. So here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna follow us where we take you and you won’t say a word.”

“Nod if you understand, Urkel,” Santana growled at him.

The pair hoisted him up and linked their arms with him very tightly. “Look normal,” Santana hissed in his ear.

_____________

“Here.” Brittany handed Sebastian the key. “Swallow it.”

“No!” he exclaimed, moving away from her.

“Well, we can’t have anyone rescuing him until Kurt and Adam are riding off into the sunset on a rainbow unicorn, Alvin.”

“Fine, just put it inside your bra or something.” Brittany immediately shoved the key into Santana’s bra. A faint blush crept up the brunette's face.

Brittany then linked arms with Sebastian and Santana. 

“As soon as this is over,” he said as the trio walked out, “I’m getting Kurt a restraining order against Blaine.”

“Alright, Elle Woods.”

_______________

“Finn would’ve loved that fucking dork” Santana sniffled eyeing the British groom, who had a faint reddish rash creeping up his neck.

“You know all the assault, blackmail and kidnapping aside it’s actually a beautiful wedding.” He whispered to Santana rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

“Yeah,” She replied , Sebastian watched the couple slow dancing on the dance floor. Their eyes closed and foreheads touching. He spotted Sam Evans doing weird body rolls to make Mercedes laugh, and Carole wiping Burt’s tears with a handkerchief. A couple of Kurt’s co-workers were mingling with his extended family, holding flutes of champagne that Sebastian had chosen. 

_____________ 

After the dance, Kurt walked over to his best person table. Brittany was fast asleep on Santana’s lap, who was yawning herself and Sebastian appeared to be drooling on the satin tablecloth Kurt had picked out. He rolled his eyes fondly.

“Hey,” he said gently.

“What? I’m awake, I’m awake!” Sebastian almost yelled as he sat up straight.

“Go back to sleep, Seb.” Kurt chuckled.

“No, I’m awake.” he repeated like a mantra.

“Thank you for everything you guys did.”

“I’d say it was our pleasure, Lord Hummel, but you and Mr.Darcy actually owe us big time.”

Kurt just smiled widely at them. Brittany woke up and started rubbing her eyes.

“Get in here,” Santana said , outstretching her hands. Kurt leaned down to hug her. Seb and Brit joined in.

“Aw, don’t cry, Tana. He’ll always be our unicorn.”

“Yeah, Santana, all my makeup isn’t waterproof.” he said, pulling away wiping tears of his own.

“I’m so happy for you.” Brittany said, her eyes practically glittered.

“Me too,” Sebastian said, looking a little misty-eyed himself. Kurt caught Adam’s eyes from across their table. The newlyweds beamed at each other.

“Yeah, me too.” he said, not looking away from his husband.

**Author's Note:**

> So Blainey are you okayyy are you okay, are you okay Blainey.


End file.
